Monday, November 17, 2008

...:: A Crazy Idea ::...



I came up with this idea... Most probably it’s not one of my glorious moments and I’m pretty sure it will cause me more hatred and neglection ( as if I’m not already living with them ), but I just have the urge to do it anyways .. You see, I don’t like being two-faced, although sometimes life forces you to smile in the faces of ppl whom you dislike... The funny thing is, there are actually bunch of them who are considered closer to you than anyone else... However, no one is perfect and you gotta deal with them anyways cuz a person is a package with all his/her treats or defects... ok, so the popping up question you’ll be asking me now; so if you really think so, why do you need to do what you’re about to do ??!! .. And here is my answer ladies and gentlemen; I’ve got a HUGE rage within me... and it’s not like any kind of rage I’ve ever experienced before... this time it’s a lot deeper and more complicated .. Some ppl say the more you get older, the more things become harder, and I mean “Feelings” by things... That’s why I gotta let go of it or I’ll probably be shattered into pieces …

So here’s what I’m going to do... I’ll be typing what I feel about specific ppl without stating names and I’ll try not to present any clues either... So, if you think you really know me, you’ll figure out yourself... By then, it will be your total freedom if you think you should still know me or not... If you choose not to, then just omit me from your life, don’t worry I’ll get over it... Believe it or not, I’ve became so NUMB towards ppl that I don’t differentiate between them anymore... and it’s not like I’m not alone already cuz believe me I’m awfully lonesome inside out :)


The 1st person who comes on my mind is a SHE and this is as far as I will come to stating any clear hints about her... You can see she has became all sophisticated and independent, but incredibly selfish as well... No matter how much you show her you care and no matter how much you try showing her that you’re there for her, she insists on forgetting you... It’s as if you gotta treat her like shit in order to pop up in her mind every 2 days or so .. And when you go on talking to her and telling how you feel neglected and mistreated, she wears the famous face, I mean mask, of: “Ohhh, dear! You shouldn’t say so! I love you! I miss you! .. Bla bla bla” … and the circle of life begins all over again and again and again... I never receive a call from her unless there has a DISASTER !!!! .. So, I’m like: “Do you only call me when you got crisis in your life??!!!!!” ... You see, I have bigger issues and LARGER problems, but I love sharing the good ones too, you know !!!! .. It’s funny how ppl tend to remember me when they get all troubled and all, but never do they recall me when they’re in a beginning of a love story or something :) ... It wouldn’t hurt if she invites me for an outing every now and then... Or even call me to check upon me while really meaning it !!!!!! Anyways, I guess that’s all I’ve got to say about her... Let’s shift to another person...


The 2nd one is a HE ... This one is the brightest of them all... So educated, fully aware of our psychological upbringing and all... He actually dazzles me every time I’m in a conversation with him... However, he has an incredible way of making me feel completely bad about myself... and what is worse is that he turns into this harsh creature that I just wanna slap his face every time he does that to me... He’s awfully hard to cheer up or to comfort... I know his life is hard and all and I also know that’s he’s not an ordinary guy, but the fact is I really hate it when he becomes all bossy and cranky on me... I’m not that hard to cheer up by the way, it’s just that I usually have some sort of keys to every mood and generally, I only need to feel like someone is comforting me... maybe tell me few nice words, so I can become calmer and return to my karma of patience... It wouldn’t hurt him if he just waited on me and try to really support me other than making me feel like he’ll be doing me the greatest favor on the entire planet !!! … I’m pretty sure he knew I’m talking about him... This guy is smart enough to get it before I even utter the words... That’s all I have for him...


The 3rd person is a SHE ... Mostly, she won’t be knowing I’m writing anything about her in the first place... My case is full with this one... I’ve really had it with her... To be frank, I don’t think I like her anymore either... Although, she can dazzle you with her kindness and love to everyone, I’m probably the only one she ever hates in her entire life... I’m totally different from her, yet I have lots of aspects like hers... She usually has a way of making me mad and feeling terribly awful about myself... She never encourages me to do something good... everything I do is a mess in her eyes... everyone I fight with is the most righteous creature ever born... everything I ever do for her is just a waste of time... I’m always so careless, so cruel, so vulgar, so untidy, and the list goes on and on, in her eyes... But, the most annoying thing of all this is that she probably thinks I’m mentally ill just because I think different and act different from all the girls she’s ever known... As much as she cries for me, she tends to prison me and put me in those situations where you suddenly find yourself looked at as a wacky illegitimate little girl... As much as she wishes to be involved in my talks, she tends to shut me up every time I tell her an honest opinion about anything... I don’t think she ever loved me cuz if she did, she wouldn’t have treated me with such bitterness... It’s like she’s punishing me for not getting the life she always wanted for herself… The fact that I’m not married yet, she thinks it’s all my fault... And what if I didn’t get married at all ???!!!! What will happen in the world???!!! Will it lose another big unhappy family???!!! Will it lose the shit holes that a person can live in everyday???!!! .. I guess NOT !!!!!!! .. And one more thing... For heaven’s sake, I’m fuckin’ 26 YEARS OLD !!!!!!! .. I’m done being tutored, so FUCK OFFFFFFF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I guess by now you’re probably thinking: “Enough with this nonsense girl !!” ... Naaaaah... it’s not enough at all :) ... Lots of ppl will be coming up after this, but I don’t have anymore on my mind for now... So, I guess I’ll be leaving it to that today, but I’ll be coming again... I think I got calmer when I did this and I think I’ll be doing it more often from now on... I’m sorry for any awkward language you found while reading ( As if anyone will ever read it in the first place ), but you gotta lay low on this one... I was getting things out of my chest... Peace...


.. N.O.H.A ..