Thursday, March 18, 2010

Random Thread of Thoughts ..



Days are passing by so quickly, yet you feel like it's too slow .. Everyday you wake up with a constant feeling; emptiness .. and just when you think you figured it all out, it keeps rapidly hitting you with these decisions that you have to take in an instant .. what if you're not prepared? .. what if you still need more time??? .. Sometimes you don't, you just know it right away and go on with it .. but, other times you get scared .. you're used to the feeling of stability .. you long for anything to stay and last for more few seconds .. Personally, I think to be able to change is one of the hardest things anyone can ever do .. Suddenly, you feel the world is upside down, many roads to take, different outcomes, and many opportunities .. But, what if you were used to that feeling of emptiness? .. what if it became part of your soul? .. do you have to fight it? .. are you supposed to, in the first place? .. you keep telling yourself, i can do it .. I'm better than this and I'm mature enough to know what I want .. Except at times, you simply are not! .. we all feel like babies at the end .. we can't grasp the fact that we've lived all these years and we're still the same .. we still long for love, we still love animation movies, we still wish to be irresponsible .. and many many more ..

It's so strange how the mind works .. whether it keeps you alert at times or just vague .. that's why we always look for an aim, a purpose that guides us and makes our job easier .. everyone deserves to relax for a while, that's for sure .. everyone longs for that feeling of letting go, but no one is supposed to admit it .. people may find it a sign of failure, a giving up card that is sent to the entire universe .. when did people become that judgmental all the time ?? .. Why can't a person simply understand the fact that everything comes when it comes and that what's done is done? .. Do you feel what I'm trying to say?? .. and yes, I mean FEEL people .. " F . E . E . L! " .. I have a dilemma here like we all do each day .. Should we go on or should we call it off? ..

I may appear so determined, so wise, so successful at times .. but I'm also weak, I over-think, and I hesitate .. At the end, I listen to my intuition .. I examine and study all the sides that are ahead of me .. but, I get tired too .. I really do .. most of the time, I tell myself: "Get off of your bed, go take a wake, swim or anything .. do something for God's sake ..! " .. that's how my mind works and some can't grasp the fact that I struggle everyday .. I know it is tiring and it's not how you're supposed to live .. but that's me :) ..

However, the sun shines .. I totally agree .. everyday is a new day and that's simply a mercy! .. if we just try to understand the fact that change is a good thing, it will surely help us .. At least, that's what I know and that's what I've been longing for my entire life .. I truly believe that changing is something that has both sides, good and bad, like everything else .. It's not a matter that you can learn, unless you truly experience it with hardships and despair .. I recall a friend who once told me, "Pain is beautiful." .. and i totally agree, it's through the sufferings that we live once again .. although, you hate it every time it happens, still it makes you proud .. it gives you the feeling of glory and significance ..

I'm not gonna edit this post .. I'll just keep it to remind myself that once I was able to breathe without something or someone telling me how I am supposed to run things .. breaking free is the key .. knowing that you can control things, sometimes, gives you the sense of belonging .. and yes .. i may badly write at times .. still that's me and I'm trying to love it by accepting the fact that I do make bad decisions and I do make bad deeds, and it's OK .. there's always time for hope and repentance .. I know we should take care not to lose it, but I also know we HAVE GOT to Chill and that's a MUST!!!

Peace!

.. N.O.H.A ..