Monday, November 29, 2010

Give it a Thought

http://andrahilde.deviantart.com/
It's hard to utter any words anymore, specially what I feel inside .. Each day it becomes even harder for me to relate to the 'so called' normal people .. I find it very awkward .. In fact, I can't really feel comfortable around someone, unless he/she has a tragic issue going on .. It's pitiful, I know .. Yet, it's definitely undoable .. All my life I have reached for acceptance, for people to endure how I act, how I feel, how I speak, respond, interact .. But, I've never pretended to be something I'm not .. I've been proud of my painful experiences, my inner struggles, my overthinking, and my self-soothing manners ..

Believe it or not, I really don't know where it comes from .. The energy igniting my heart .. But, I sincerely thank God for it everyday .. It's what kept me alive all these years .. It makes a brand new day bearable .. Without this fire, I would certainly die .. Which is how I feel 75% of the time .. Yet, I always know there is more .. There has to be more .. Something will have to come up and save the day .. I've learnt that Nothing Stays The Same .. Or, am I losing it?!

I can't help but think, sometimes, of how my mom looks at me, all surprised .. I know she's thinking, "How could she live on her own like that? How does she manage to build her own bubble and live in it day and night? Why doesn't she need me like all kids do? Why doesn't she caress me like 'normal' girls? She must be cold-hearted bitch .. How is it possible for me to raise such a child?" .. I'm definitely a stranger to my surroundings, but a familiar to the ones who suffer as me .. You see, no one fully understands what I'm made of, why do I act this way, or how it's hard to mingle among them ..

I just wish I could relate to those who laugh their hearts out someday... To belong to something magical that lifts people's hearts and change them for the greater good .. I wish to conquer and to erase all the bad memories I had/have been having all these years .. But, it's maybe too late for me, still don't know about that .. I'll have to work it out .. That, I'm quite sure of ..

It wouldn't really matter if you relate to this post or not .. In fact, I would understand if you didn't .. Only those who have walked down my road, will be able to articulate my words .. At the end of the day, if no one did, then it wouldn't matter much either .. I'm doing this for me .. That was my aim in the first place .. I write 'cause I want to, not 'cause I have to!

This is me acting considerate, but not rude .. Give it a thought ..


.. N.O.H.A ..

Thursday, November 25, 2010

EAT PRAY LOVE

 I simply LOVE IT! .. All three together... The Book, The Movie, The Author!

A story never felt so real or as realistic as this one .. I know a lot may find it a depressing issue, but if anyone didn't benefit from such a book, he/she is definitely a hypocrite!
Then again, I don't want to be harsh .. Maybe, whoever doesn't relate to it, didn't have a real dilemma in his/her life, and we can only pray for that to be true ..

The fact that Elizabeth Gilbert tackles the issue of our "Passion" in life, personally means a great deal to me, and I think to everyone whose really in need of a real change in his/her life. She simply answered our only constant question, "Why do we exist?"


1- We EAT: Recalling the sense of TASTE, we have to search for the QUALITY, not the QUANTITY.

2- We PRAY: Realizing that FAITH is what really revives us, and not "The Secret." :D

3- We LOVE: Referring to the one and only feeling that manages to maintain our perseverance against all odds.


If you're open-minded enough to read through her lines, you'll definitely go somewhere magical ..

And, I can't help myself when I think that I could do this someday .. It's a huge gift to be perceptive, to make use and implement someone else's life lessons to make it happen as your own .. It takes a huge effort and whole amount of skills to be able to share what she presented to the world .. I can only hope that I would to have such focus and determination to pass what I have and positively transfer every beam of good energy inside my soul for whoever needs it .. God's willing :)

.. N.O.H.A ..

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I'm a Dude!

Oh, Yeah!



I walk like a dude, I talk like a dude, I act like a dude!
I curse like a dude, I yell like a dude, I even drive like a dude!

Suddenly, I wake up. I find myself in a girl's body.
I check myself out like a dude, I dress like a dude, and I'm off to work like a dude.

No make up is allowed, no tight clothes are allowed, no fancy colors are allowed.

At the end of the day, I dream like a dude, my hair falls out like a dude, I even smell like a dude.

Part of me longs for the dudette, prays for the dudette, wishes to dress like a dudette.
Part of me has a hunger for being a dudette, barely acts like a dudette, has chills when uttering words like a dudette.

Hardly anyone understands how much I need to stop being a dude, embrace being a dudette, and get to be treated like one.


I love being a dude, don't get me wrong. But, I've had enough with the dude attitude. Let's give it up for the dudette in me for a while. Help me be me. Bring back the dudette in me <3 .

.. N.O.H.A ..